Last year, in the midst of prom season, I was on a search for FOUR
formal gowns for myself. I was a judge for the Miss North Carolina
pageant, the preliminary for Miss America. Let me just say, “Moms, I
feel your pain.” It took much longer than I had anticipated, but I found
four gowns that met my own modest expectations, without adding a shrug
to any a frock. It can be done, with patience and a little stubbornness.
But in our quest for modest prom dresses, we needn’t think we all
look the same. In modesty, every variance counts. The juggling act lies
in the wearer’s desire to express her individuality—through style, color
and accessories—while maintaining modesty in her dress and actions.
I know this can be a frustrating balance for parents and their
daughters, especially when it’s usually difficult to find said dresses
Although I don’t have a daughter, (I have two boys) my experience
from last spring proved to me that most off-the-rack dresses exhibit
some form of immodesty. They have beautiful straps and a top that covers
the cleavage, but wield a high cut slit or a mini-skirt bottom. Or, the
dress has a beautiful full skirt, but is strapless…etc.
No one ever said the narrow road was an easy road, but hopefully,
with some clear dialog and standards, your daughter can be fashionable
while maintaining her integrity.
Step one: The first place to start the search for the perfect gown
isn’t in the store. It’s in a conversation with your daughter. Talk
about dress styles—long, short, colorful, flashy, etc. Then discuss the
difference between dresses that seem to exude elegance and ones that shout suggestive.
Two: Remind her that we live in an age where everything we do and
wear is posted on social media sites. Her date and his parents should
also be thoughtfully taken into consideration.
Finally, decide on some clear standards. These are mine:
- Absolutely no showing of cleavage, even when bending forward
- No low-cut backs, midriffs, or skin-showing cutouts
- Hemlines or slits must come to no more than 3” above the knee,
- Nothing strapless
As difficult as it seemd to find the right dresses to honor my “non-negotiables,” it helped to look in the right places. ,
a brick and mortar store in Fort Mill, SC (and one of many online
resources) is one retailer who specializes in modest formalwear.
Many schools, including Alabama’s
have led the charge against the runway of the risqué. Among other
requirements, they forbid midriffs as well as slits or skirts that rise
more than three inches above the knee.
True vintage dresses or vintage inspired ones almost always hold to
these standards. ’50s glamour holds great allure for students like high
school junior ,
who praises the modest elegance of icons like Grace Kelly and Audrey
Hepburn: “Grace and Audrey always left something to the imagination,”
Beebe writes at postbulletin.com.
“I believe it is that sense of modesty that my generation is often
missing…” Beebe goes on to blame the absence of modesty and an
unquenchable thirst for attention as the driving forces behind
scandalous prom dresses.
As far as high-fashion goes, the revealing dresses we often find on
the rack are actually out-dated. What’s hot on the runway in Italy is a
more elegant, almost demure look. The focus is on the face, not the
body.